


Customs and Traditions of St. Patrick's Day

by DJClawson



Series: Theodore Nelson's Adventures in Sharing a Workspace [17]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Iron Fist (TV), Jessica Jones (TV), The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Drinking, Drugs, F/M, Gen, Homosexuality, It's Patsy, M/M, St. Patrick's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 20:59:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18351608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DJClawson/pseuds/DJClawson
Summary: It's St. Patrick's Day. What else needs to be said?





	Customs and Traditions of St. Patrick's Day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nell/gifts).



> As always, thank you to LachesisMeg for her beta work!
> 
> Filling prompts:  
> \- St. Patrick's Day with the Nelsons  
> \- trying to move closer to the prompt of Ward and Theo becoming friends as much as I think they ever could be, considering their history.
> 
> I always welcome new prompts! And somehow did I become the most prolific Iron Fist fandom writer? Because that show was awful.

Theo never outright regretted getting a cat, but there were times when he thought about it.

“How did you even do this?” he demanded of Sadie, who was sleeping on his laptop as he stormed into the room with hands full of broken, chewed-up flower stems. “Why did you put them in the hamper? I have laundry to do; I don’t have time for this!”

Sadie stared at him, but didn’t move an inch.

Matt could never buy him flowers again. That would just have to be a rule. It was the Christmas tree thing all over again, except without Theo racing to the animal hospital because she had swallowed so much plastic pine. He had to go through everything in his laundry pile to make sure there wasn’t a stray pedal or leaf, and that took up all of the time meant for the doing of laundry, so he abandoned that plan. He had more than one shirt that was green. Foggy had threatened to make a custom button that replaced the one that said “Kiss me I’m Irish” with “I’m Irish but I have a boyfriend” but they had the family party first, and this would lead to questions he didn’t want to handle. 

He cleaned up his apartment (which was never particularly messy, and even less so now that Matt was around so much) just in time for Andy to arrive ahead of his other family. Between the two of them, they were able to get the very unfinished wooden frame of a dollhouse from his car to the elevator, and from there to the apartment, where it found a temporary home on the floor. Theo had been good to his word, and done all of the appropriate research on how to electrify a fancy dollhouse, which involved a special tape wire system and tiny switches for different rooms and Theo probably made the setup needlessly complicated, but he found the project interesting, and a good way to spend his time while his boyfriend was punching people in the face or smashing them into walls or whatever it was that he did that Theo didn’t want to think about, and Theo went to a dollhouse store on the East Side and Andy said to just buy whatever and send him the bill.

“You know, this started as a fun carpentry thing,” Andy said as Theo pulled out his shoebox of supplies and tool kit. “I thought, oh, I can  _ make _ my daughter something instead of just buying her things, like the plastic piece of crap Barbie dreamhouses. Then I discover that tiny things cost something ridiculous. A plastic plate with fake eggs and bacon costs more than a real plate of eggs and bacon. This is an industry for rich kids and old weirdos. So Olivia has to share it with her siblings. If they each get a room of decorations for their birthdays, this’ll be done before one of them graduates high school - and then they can fight over who actually owns it.” 

“It’ll be an heirloom that they actually want, so there’s that,” Theo said, looking over the blueprints with all of the notes for what was theoretically going where. “Can I draw on the walls?”

“Do whatever you need to do. In pencil. And promise me you won’t do anything that electrocutes my kids.”

“These systems are designed so that can basically never happen.”

Andy took a beer from the fridge. “I remember you making things explode.”

“Model rockets. And they were taking off. I mean, most of them did. Not all of them made it off the ground.”

“Didn’t you get arrested or something?”

“I got a warning from a police officer. It’s different,” Theo said. “I got grounded, but I think Pop was mostly amused.” He pulled out the rolls of tape wire and started removing the packaging and unrolling them. “Foggy was upset because I let him put his stickers on the cardboard tube and it wasn’t recoverable.”

“Where was I?”

“Soccer. Or scouting bullshit I managed to talk my way out of,” Theo said. They had been in cub scouts and boy scouts together, but Theo lost interest in their mismanaged, city-centric troop that was more interested in finding ways to sneak cigarettes and beer onto poorly-organized camping trips, then spending the rest of the trip getting yelled at when they were inevitably caught. And G-d, he hated sleeping in a tent. He got all of the technology badges and convinced his parents to call it a day. 

“It started to really suck when you left,” Andy admitted. “Some of the guys formed this little bully pack and picked on the nerdiest kid - it was Kyle - and I guess they felt like they had free range because if it had been you, I would have stopped them, but it wasn’t you. They called him all kinds of things.” Andy sipped his beer. “Mostly stuff like pussy and fag. Because, you know, we were kids. G-d, that was awful.” Andy took a moment to think about it. “Did people do that to you?”

“I think they did it because I was short and skinny and wouldn’t fight back,” Theo said. “Not because they actually knew. I mean, I didn’t tell  _ anybody _ .”

“Still. That must have been shitty. I’m sorry, Theo. I have no idea what you went through.”

“It was okay,” Theo said. It was a comforting lie that worked for this particular conversation. “We were just kids.”

“But still - fuck, what a thing to go through. You know you could have told me, right? Or, maybe it wouldn’t have been great when we were kids, but certainly all the years we’ve been adults. Society has changed so much.”

“I appreciate it, but, you know, hindsight,” Theo said. He preferred to look at the equipment he needed for this project rather than Andy sitting across from him. “I don’t know what would have happened. I always just assumed the worst.”

“Well, if I said anything to make you assume the worst, I’m sorry,” Andy said. “And I mean it. Jo and I have talked about it, the weight it must have been on you, keeping that secret. And always asking if you were seeing someone.”

“I usually wasn’t. Long term. So I was giving you an honest answer. But I really appreciate your apology. Even if it is unnecessary. I mostly just hooked up with people I met on the internet. Or in an app.”

“Ooo! Did you ever meet anyone famous?”

“Fuck you!” Theo replied. “If I did, I wouldn’t tell.”

“How about a politician who’s always going on about Christian family values? Would you out him?”

“Totally. But those guys are never my type. And no married guys, unless they lied about it and I didn’t find out until later. I don’t want to be a part of their shitty situation.”

“Teddy Nelson, the homewrecker,” Andy said, amused enough to be using Theo’s abandoned childhood nickname. He didn’t know the irony of resurrecting it to talk about Theo’s hookups and Theo wasn’t about to tell him. “Yeah, I don’t see it.” He finished the beer. “So, are you going to tell me about the guy you’re seeing now?”

“How do you know I’m seeing anyone? I don’t have time to fuckin’ date. I have a whole deli to run.”

“Two toothbrushes in the bathroom.”

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Theo groaned. He hadn’t even thought of that. “Fuck, you didn’t see that, and when I want you to know about someone, I will  _ tell you _ . I will offer the information.”

“I told you about all about all of my awful relationships!”

“Fine. One. I will tell you about one guy,” Theo said. “Remember Gregory Johnson?”

Andy was helping himself to another beer and he nearly dropped it where he stood. “The forward from the high school basketball team?”

“Remember how I was tutoring him in math senior year? And his parents were paying me like five dollars an hour, and that’s how I could justify not working the counter for one night?” Theo said. “Yeah, he didn’t really have trouble with math.”

“Holy shit!” Andy said. “Wait - he was seeing Stephanie, like the hottest girl in school. If we had had homecoming kings and queens they would have been them. They were like, two people who are so bland and beautiful they have to date in high school or reality collapses.”

“Yeah, that’s why he was going out with her. Because he was supposed to. He was taking her to the movies and to parties because they got invited to everything and they went to prom together but he was making out with me.” He added, “We did actually do our math homework. Just very quickly.”

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Andy said as he sat down because he needed to, because his mind was obviously blown. “I  _ never _ would have guessed.”

“Partially because he was deeper in the closet than I was. He told me he wasn’t gay about once a week, in case I’d forgotten. And threatened to kill me if I said something a lot at first. But fuck, I didn’t care what he said. He was the hottest guy I knew and there was no way I wasn’t going to do whatever he wanted to do. Which was really just kissing. It never went further than that. And then we both went to different colleges and it wasn’t like we were  _ dating _ or anything so that was the end of that.”

“Well, G-ddamn. What happened to him? Oh wait, I saw him at the high school reunion! He got married!”

Theo shrugged. “Maybe he’s bi. I don’t know. Don’t really need to revisit that part of my life.”

“He used to deck me with his elbow at practice. Claimed it was an accident every time,” Andy said. “That guy had a lot of issues.” 

“Yeah, teenagers are assholes.” At least they could both laugh about that. “At least you mostly have girls.”

“Oh, girls are worse. Jo says so. They  _ scheme _ . Dear G-d.” He finished off his second beer. “Can’t even get trashed today because I’m probably going to be everybody’s ride, can’t stay out late because Jo’s watching all of the kids by herself. And I shouldn’t be getting trashed at my age anyway.”

“I have weed.”

“Can’t come home smelling like it.” Andy stood up. “Let’s do this thing.”

They went down to the deli, which was closed, but Foggy - wearing that awful hat Bess made for him - had opened the front door for family. The instructions were clear that people could bring food but not leave it for someone else to clean up, because Theo didn’t have his parents to cover for him. No one brought Irish food, of course, because the Irish weren’t known for their cuisine. 

“Theo, taste this!” his Aunt Maureen said, holding up a spoon. “There’s nothing bad in it, I swear. Okay, maybe a little duck fat. For flavor. I couldn’t make it flavorless.”

Theo took the spoon right out of her hands with a smile and handed it off to Foggy. “Thanks, Aunt Maureen. I’m sure it’s great.”

“You’re really missing out,” she said, but gave him a kiss on the cheek anyway. 

Matt and Karen sat at the end of one of the tables. Matt was wearing the only green sweater he owned, and it only occured to Theo this year that the itchiness of it must drive Matt  _ crazy _ , but he never complained. Matt never complained about anything.

“I don’t see how you all can get drunk on beer,” Karen said. Theo knew from even his limited experience that she was no lightweight. “It’s barely even alcohol.”

“That’s the point,” Theo said. “To pace yourself. How does the bar association feel about drunk and disorderlies?”

“Don’t ask me. I’m not a lawyer.”

“There is a reason this is Brett’s least-favorite day of the year,” Matt said.

“Or it was before he became a high-and-mighty detective,” Foggy pointed out. “And I think SantaCon was starting to edge it out anyway.”

Theo loved his family - he really did - but he could not get out of there fast enough, after food and the customary rounds, to go drinking with his  _ boyfriend _ .

 

Bar 1

“This is fun,” Foggy said as he put his arm around Theo’s shoulders, nearly spilling beer on himself in the process. “Why did we never do this together?”

“Um, because I had better things to do than go bar-hopping with my baby brother?” Theo said. 

“Bullshit! You gave me my first drink. You  _ encouraged _ it.”

“...And I didn’t think you would be interested in my kind of bar,” he added. “Not unless you want to end up waking up in some guy’s bed the next morning and learning that you don’t remember him  _ at all _ and his apartment is nowhere near a decent subway stop.”

“Ding ding, we have our answer!”

  
  


Bar 3

Marci joined them. She was not wearing anything green. “Pinch me and you’ll pull back a stump,” was her general warning to the room. 

She ordered and said to Theo, “Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“You’re drinking a martini. And it isn’t green.”

“I don’t have an Irish bone in my body,” she said. “Or a fondness for food coloring. How do you even drink that much, anyway?”

“My doctor says I’m underweight and need a higher caloric intake.”

“Did you tell him how you intend to get it?”

Theo frowned. “He’s not a fan.”

 

Bar 5

The day was going too well for Theo  _ not _ to run into an ex. 

“Please don’t take this in any kind of judgmental way, but is this the kind of environment you should be in?”

Ward Meachum looked around. “I did drugs, Theo. I wasn’t an alcoholic. And I could give a university seminar on the science of addiction.”

But he was holding a club soda anyway.

“So, um, what are you actually doing here?” Theo had to ask, because he was more than a little buzzed.

“Taking care of this idiot,” Ward said, nodding in the direction of Danny Rand, who was either passed out or just aggressively napping in the booth, wearing three different layers of green, a sparkly green hat, and a green beaded necklace. “Colleen had some kind of tournament. I don’t know if she’s running it or participating but she asked me to babysit him.”

“It wouldn’t kill you to admit you’re a nice guy. You used to be.”

Ward gave him the finger.

 

Bar 7

“Matt!” Theo shouted, definitely too loudly despite the music, when they were finally alone at the bar because girls had to go to the bathroom in groups and Foggy was ordering. “I feel really bad about this, but I have to tell you - I’m still attracted to my ex.”

Matt’s eyebrows raised over his green-tinted glasses. “Who? Ward? Do you want me to talk to him?”

“What would you talk about?” Theo swayed a little until Matt grabbed his arm to steady him. “Shit, no - no no no. No. No no. That would be - that would be so bad. That’s all scorched earth. Also, why are you totally willing to do this at like, no suggestion?”

“I was just trying to be accommodating.”

“Don’t be!” Theo said. “Also, it was definitely trading up. You have way better muscles.”

Matt was definitely amused. “Is that all I’m good for?”

“Sometimes!”

 

Bar 8

“I didn’t know you were Irish,” Theo shouted - he really needed to stop doing that - to Jessica Jones.

“Just an alcoholic who forgot to drink alone today,” she replied. “Pinch me and - “

“I know, I know, the stump. I don’t think we’re supposed to pinch women anyway, right?”

“You were  _ never _ supposed to do it. And feel free to lower your voice anytime.”

“Oh my G-d, is that Patsy?”

“You want to call her that, go ahead.” Jessica poured herself another glass when the bartender wasn’t looking. 

Theo went around her to the blond woman at the end of the bar talking to Karen, and wanted to touch her shoulder, he really did, in a polite way that one would do it with either gender to get their attention, but he just couldn’t work out in his brain how to do it and have it be okay, so he just sort of stood there, the thought stewing in his brain, until she turned to him of her own volition and said, “Please tell me you don’t want my autograph.”

“Um,” Theo hiccupped. “No.” It was a lie.

“I wasn't your first crush, was I?” Patsy said.

“You weren’t,” he replied. 

“Oh - is it the gay icon thing?”

He nodded. “Your picture is ironically on a lot of bar walls.”

“Fine. That’s a little better,” she said. “Not great, but it’s better.”

“Excuse him,” Karen said, still sounding stone-cold sober. “We work together. Or, I work out of his deli because Hell’s Kitchen won’t provide the firm with an affordable office space. And because he’s a nice guy who doesn’t know how to say no.”

“That’s ... only partially true,” Theo said. “Also I did play  _ It’s Patsy  _ trivia night at a bar once but I lost super hard and I only did it in the first place because I was trying to sleep with someone on the team.”

“Bar trivia nights are the scourge of New York nightlife,” Patsy said. “I’m Trish. That is my real name.”

“That was trivia I didn’t know the answer to!” Theo said proudly. 

 

Bar ??

Theo pointed to a picture of Trish Walker in her ‘Patsy’ character on door to the women’s bathroom that the bar was legally required to have. “Hey, I just saw her!” 

Matt just giggled at the bar and the bartender said, “Yeah, that’s Patsy. She had a show.”

“No, I mean I saw the real her like, an hour ago. Or two hours ago. What time is it?” 

“Eight.”

“That doesn’t help me at all,” Theo said, and took the stool next to his boyfriend, who he was with at a gay bar, without fear of being discovered, and he couldn’t remember how he had wound up here, so it must have been a drunken suggestion, or Matt’s idea. Matt sat with a full glass in front of him, probably because he had court the next day, and was just humoring Theo because he was the best boyfriend. 

“This is my boyfriend,” Theo announced.

“Yeah, that’s like the third time you’ve said that,” the bartender said. “You’re lucky he hasn’t complained.”

“He’s just excited to have such an awesome boyfriend,” Matt said in that smooth way of his. 

Theo leaned on Matt’s shoulder. “Matt, your sweater is so itchy.”

“I’m aware.”

“Please give me your sweater so Sadie can destroy it forever.”

“I might.”

“I will buy you a new green sweater. Something cashmere. With all of my yak meat money.”

“Is that a euphemism?” the bartender asked.

 

???

Theo was drooling into Matt’s awful sweater. He was also lying down. He hoped it was somewhere sanitary.

“WhereamI?”

“My apartment,” Matt said helpfully. He was sitting up on his couch.  

“This is not a good bar.”

“No, it is not.”

“You’re still wearing your terrible sweater.”

“You seem attached to it,” Matt said. “And it’s still St. Patrick’s Day. I don’t want to get pinched.”

“I ... I want to make a lewd suggestion here, but I can’t think good.”

“Will you really help me make sure this sweater is destroyed by next year?”

“I think it’ll be taken care of by next  _ week _ .”

“Because I can take it off right now. I would be happy to.”

“Best St. Paddy’s. Day. Ever.” 

 

The End 


End file.
